Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship

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Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship (No matter what real or fictional therapists tell you)
Excerpt:
This supposed professional just denied the existence of asexuality. She erased the right of not just asexuals, but people with physical disabilities which preclude sex, to be in a “loving relationship”. She basically implied that survivors of sexual trauma need to have/resume having sex or they cannot be loved.

I was watching an episode of a TV show last night. The cop buddies had signed up for a relationship therapy weekend, hoping to improve their often troubled partnership and enjoy the scenic setting on the island where the sessions were being held.

Surprise, the therapy session was meant for couples in romantic relationships. This is revealed when the itinerary has an item called โ€œovercoming sexual incompatibility.โ€

“Sex is a vital component for a loving relationship,” the therapist says.

I feel the need for a gif.

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Love equals sex? This supposed professional just denied the existence of asexuality. She erased the right of not just asexuals, but people with physical disabilities which preclude sex, to be in a “loving relationship”. She basically implied that survivors of sexual trauma need to have/resume having sex or they cannot be loved.

It’s played for laughs, because, lol, two men being close, lol! I’ll come back to that in a minute. My point is that is dangerous, it is harmful and hurtful, to insist that love=sex, that sex is something you must do with someone you love.
The only real love presented in this scenario is between a man and a woman or, if you really must a male/male or female/female, and that love is only truly expressed by sex. (The kind of person that believes this often struggles to imagine what the hell lesbians do, nor can they imagine a gay couple who don’t have anal sex, because their heterocentrism precludes such forbidden knowledge).

Despite sex being “vital” the therapist insists they stay:
“While it’s true this workshop is geared toward couples, many of the principles covered here– such as communication, trust and teamwork– apply to all relationships. Including working partnerships.”
The other couples aren’t so sure about their inclusion, these men are not a couple. But one male participant โ€“ of course it is a man – says
“They’re stuck in a relationship they can’t get out of, they fight all the time, and they don’t have sex. It sounds a lot like our marriage to me.

See, this poor man is at a couples retreat because he’s unhappily married and it’s implied he can’t divorce, and that he’s unhappy because he and his wife fight all the time which is probably because they’re not having sex! Sex is the only answer, if she’d just put out instead of talking to him, they’d be happy!

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The other couples at the session by the way, are two sets of male/females and one female/female and that last is possibly the only nod to the existence of gay people in this show in its entire run (currently in its sixth season).
This episode is strong on the queerbaiting, because they’re a couple but Not Really, LOL they’re straight as straight thing that’s been straightened, no gay here, no way, ever, but they love each other so much but not that way you perverts.

So, in summary:
Sex = love.
Sex = real relationship.
Other “relationships” = not as good as sexual ones.
Asexuals/people with disabilities/sexual trauma survivors = non-existent/not worthy of loving relationships.
Queerbaiting = check.

Can’t mainstream shows do better than this? They should be doing so.

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7 thoughts on “Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship

  1. And I think your analysis is important and correct. FYI the beginning of the blog post was a bit misleading, I thought you were talking about a real life therapist doing something, and it was only later on that I realized this was all about an entirely fictional situation. Of course this fictional retreat and fictional therapist are modeled off of real life situations and people… ๐Ÿ˜›

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    1. Thank you! I think it’s important that when people say it is ‘just’ a show, that they realise anyone watching can still be hurt by this. That, as you say, these characters are modelled on real situations – certainly when I googled ‘sex is not a vital part of a loving relationship’ I only got hits from professional counsellors and advice columns saying the opposite, that sex is important/very important/the most important part of a relationship.
      Putting the phrase in quotes for an exact match netted just one tumblr post that agreed with my assertion. So this attitude is prevalent in the real world, and this awful counsellor was just a reflection of the sort of therapists who are out there, saying this to people :/

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, thank you for sharing that about your Googling… that is a little disheartening to learn, although also, unfortunately, unsurprising… I am aware enough about the world to um, get that a lot of people, especially therapists, believe this kind of thing.

        When I saw the title of your blog post here, I was reminded of Coyote’s post on “Sex is Not a Vitamin”: https://theacetheist.wordpress.com/2015/01/23/sex-is-not-a-vitamin/

        Have you seen it? Coyote has written more on the topic too, like here: https://theacetheist.wordpress.com/2015/11/12/partnership-desire-desirability-and-the-sex-as-worth-principle/ and idk, it feels relevant to me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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