This was for the Reddit Writing Prompts suggestion: “A Starbucks Batista has given you Double Chocolaty Chip Crème Frappuccino with soy instead of a Caffè Vanilla Light Frappuccino with no fat milk. Make this as tragic, heart-wrenching and miserable as possible.”
I took this to mean make it hilarious or, if I were tagging on AO3, “crack treated seriously” (definition here)
Storm in a Coffee Cup
Do you ever have days where nothing goes right? When the hot water has run out and the bus is late and it starts raining the moment you realise you didn’t bring an umbrella? It was one of those days but for a brief moment there was hope.
The delicious smell of coffee, the ringing of the registers, the bright chatter of the people waiting for their caffeine fix, the warmth of the Starbucks store drying out my clothes made me feel calm and relaxed. Everything would be fine once I got my favourite drink. Caffe Vanilla Light Frappuccino with no fat milk. This simple pleasure would put my day, my life, back on track.
I reached the counter. I placed my order. I took my drink with a smile. I walked to the door. I took a sip of the drink –
What in in holy hell was this? This….this….monstrosity! I nearly choked.
It was a frappuccino, cool and refreshing, and that was all that was right with it. Instead of the smooth, comforting, vanilla, its warm taste evoking both cookies eaten by roaring firesides and soft ice cream under a blazing summer sun, there was chocolate. The complete opposite of vanilla. Double chocolate, sticky and thick.
That was bad enough but my woes were not yet at an end. There was denying it. The milk was not no fat milk. To my despair it was soy, a pseudo milk, an affront to true milk lovers!
Worse, there were bits in it. Small hard beetle like pieces. On closer inspection these proved to be more chocolate but the damage was done to my psyche as well as my tastebuds.
The muddy looking drink seemed to taunt me as I beheld it in all of its erroneousness. What had I done to deserve this outrage? This disgusting concoction was surely some sort of divine punishment.
I took another sip to be certain. Was there even caffeine in this thing? How could I go about my day without caffeine? It was impossible! I wanted to weep.
I shoved my way back to the counter and brandished the offending cup at the barista. “This,” I declared, “is not what I ordered. At all!”
He looked unconcerned. “Right. Sorry. What was it you wanted?”
It didn’t matter any longer. The moment had passed. I shook my head sadly and forced down another gulp of the mixture. Who am I to question the will of the coffee shop gods?
_ _ _
I hope you enjoyed the fic! Comments, concrit, likes/reblogs are all welcomed.
For the record I’m a basic “just give me a coffee with milk”, or sometimes a cappuccino and I had to google the hell out of the various coffee options!