Asexual Awareness Week 2018

It’s Asexual Awareness Week. I’m not creating anything this year but I have tags for my previous asexual awareness week posts at my other journal, and a tag for all posts including meta and fiction looking at asexuality, theme: asexuality spectrum. 
I have some of those also posted as at WordPress tagged sexuality: asexuality.

There’s been pushback against asexuality in some places. Some tumblr posts insist that asexuals aren’t “oppressed enough” to be consider part of the LGBT+ community (those posts insist “queer is a slur” too despite significant commentary to the contrary on how important the reclaiming and use of the term is for many.)
There are posts accusing people of “sexualising” children by saying that we should acknowledge more than just heterosexual romantic and sexual attraction. That telling someone you’re asexual is “unneccessary” and exposing them to “information about your sex life”.
Posts saying asexuals just need hormones or counselling or to be raped.
Posts saying that asexual posts confuse people and prevent them from being gay because of “internalised homophobia”.

Most of those things have been, and in some cases, still are used as fodder against other queer groups.
“Trans people aren’t allowed in gay spaces because a transman with a woman is heterosexual”
“Bihets aren’t allowed in gay spaces!” (ie a bi/pansexual person in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender. The term bihet erases bisexuality by making same sex relationships gay, opposite sex relationships straight, and ignores trans people and nonbinary identities)
“Don’t mention lebsians or women won’t get married as they should.”
“Stop mentioning you’re gay, you’re throwing your sexuality in my face!” (As they wear a wedding ring and have a photo of their wife on their desk, secure in displays of heterosexuality)
“You’re not a gay man or a transwomen, you just need more testosterone and to pray harder to be the straight man you should be.”
“She won’t be a lesbian after I’ve f*cked her”

There’s been some interesting discussion about the Russian bots that infiltrated Tumblr and the rise of dissent amongst queer groups; “gold star lesbian” rhetoric, posts that are anti-bisexual and anti-asexual, a rise in TERF posts centering womanhood on menstruation and reproduction. It’s awful and it’s unacceptable.

If you don’t know anything about asexuality there’s a primer here and a lot of other links in this Asexual Awareness Week 2017 post.

Thanks for reading.



On Asexual Characters – as an asexual, I should write them more


Sometimes I think we write to explore the things most important to us. Sometimes however we write to explore other ways of being.


I’ve been posting fiction three times a month to the blog for a while now, 7th, 14th, 21st of the month; I’ve found Wednesdays works best so I’ve switched to the first – third Wednesday of each month for the moment.

I would like to use the fourth week to share something else – moodboards, reviews, prompts, or other non-fiction.

This time I’d like to talk a bit about asexuality. I’ve blogged about it before, and have written meta about characters I headcanon as potentially being on the asexual spectrum.

Things have been personally stressful lately and for an asexual, though it isn’t personal, sometimes it feels very personal to constantly face messages from the media, social networks, friends, or family that posit (1) sex is essential for a relationship and/or (2) relationships without sex as are not as important.

That is, the messages that call an allosexual being in a monogamous relationship with an asexual abusive, because the asexual person is “withholding” sex from someone who enjoys it. The messages that place a spouse on the top of some sort of relationship hierarchy. The constant message that sex is good and all people must want – or need, or deserve – it.

So much for asexuals and those people who cannot have sex for whatever reason.

As such, I’ve been thinking about changing attitudes via fiction and writing about asexuality.

Continue reading On Asexual Characters – as an asexual, I should write them more

Asexual Awareness Week 2017


Asexual Awareness Week runs from 22 October to 28 October this year.
Here are some useful links.

Asexual Awareness Week

Asexuality 101
What is Asexuality?
Asexuality: a brief introduction includes a link to a downloadable pdf
Am I Asexual? 10 Things You [probably] Don’t (But Should) Know About Asexuality, Because It’s Not All About Sex
How to Tell If You Are Asexual

Asexuality Is a Sexual Orientation, Not a Sexual Dysfunction
There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Asexual
Here are the 11 biggest asexual myths busted

Asexuality and Romantic Orientation for example someone can identify as a biromantic asexual
3 People Get Real About What It Means to Be Aromantic
Biromantic, Heteromantic, Homoromantic & Panromantic

10 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who’s Asexual
8 Things You Should Never Say to an Asexual Person
Things you should never say to an asexual person
Sex is Not a Vitamin

Key points:
Asexuality is a spectrum
Asexuality is not celibacy
Asexuality is an orientation and not a disease
Asexuality does not predict romantic orientation

Meta: Reading Girolamo Riario (Da Vinci’s Demons) as on the Asexual Spectrum

I head-canon Da Vinci’s Demons’ Giralomo Riario as somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Not necessarily completely asexual but possibly grey-asexual or demi-sexual, maybe with some sexual attraction to all genders; I also think he could be biromantic and/or demiromantic.

Continue reading Meta: Reading Girolamo Riario (Da Vinci’s Demons) as on the Asexual Spectrum

The Myth of the Relationship Hierarchy Strikes Again


I was reading an interesting story recently. It happened to be fanfiction, but I’ve had this experience with plenty of mainstream novels. I was enjoying the storyline, the plot was good, the author was hitting some of my favourite tropes and the story was, overall, well-told.

Then: bam. The relationship hierarchy* reared its ugly head.

Continue reading The Myth of the Relationship Hierarchy Strikes Again

Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship

base image source

Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship (No matter what real or fictional therapists tell you)
This supposed professional just denied the existence of asexuality. She erased the right of not just asexuals, but people with physical disabilities which preclude sex, to be in a “loving relationship”. She basically implied that survivors of sexual trauma need to have/resume having sex or they cannot be loved.

Continue reading Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship

Asexual Erasure & Insults

Rarely does a week go by without my seeing an article that talks about sex, and how someone is not happy they are not getting enough of it. Regardless of the tone of the article however, there is the horror of the comment section.
There’ll be some sensible comments.
There’ll also be hordes of apparently sex-mad commentators who are keen to insist that there is no pleasure compared to that of using someone else’s body to gratify your needs. That someone who isn’t being fucked isn’t worthy of existing, let alone being in a relationship.
If someone isn’t having sex with you? Dump them. You’ve been together five years? Still dump them. You really love them and you’ve got a child together? Dump them anyway.
This week it’s this article, in the Guardian:

Continue reading Asexual Erasure & Insults

Asexual Awareness Week 2015

My Articles
I don’t have a lot to say this time around but I’ve made many posts before on the topic of asexuality generally and for previous Asexual Awareness Weeks in particular, and you can read them all at this tag.
From the “I’m asexual, not a puritan!” to types of asexuality and types of attraction (autochorissexualim anyone?), to masturbation, to what’s it like consuming and creating media when you’re asexual, I’ve written on a variety of topics.

My Fiction
I also write asexual characters on occasion and a notable example occurs in the novel I’m working on, and his orientation is discussed in this short pre-canon fic.
Bliss is an ace and aromantic friendly ficlet about self-pleasure.
Whole and Complete Unto Thyself is a fic focussed on asexuality: “There’s nothing like being told the only sex you’ll ever have is wrong to knock your self-esteem. If you’re lucky, you have a friend to vent to.”

I do hope to cross-post the fiction to my writing blog and, possibly updated versions of some of the articles, to wordpress. My meta on reading Parker (Leverage) as asexual has been previously posted to wordpress.
I also have a pinterest board for asexuality.

Recommended Links

For new materials I’ll recommend a few articles I’ve read online:

It’s not easy being Ace: Asexuality and the ace spectrum
By Iris Robin
Rec’d by this article is a good overview of asexuality focussed on the actual experiences of asexual people themselves.

10 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who’s Asexual
by Julie Sondra Decker

#21AceStories: Sex Drive, Relationships, and Other Misconceptions
By Eliel Cruz
We asked 21 asexual people around the world, ‘What’s the biggest misconception about asexuality

Thanks for reading. This is usually the time when someone stops following one of my blogs or decides to twist something positive like the term “zucchini” into an insulting “oh, you’re an emotional vegetable!” or some such. And still I keep writing these posts because I’m asexual; it’s not a choice, it’s my orientation, and I will continue to talk about it, write it about, and explore it.

Leverage: Reading Parker as Asexual

Introductory note: “Leverage” is a television show which originally aired on the TNT network from 2008-2012. It centered on a group who acted as modern day Robin Hoods, tackling the powerful and corrupt who could not be brought to justice by the ordinary people they’d hurt. The characters were given archetypal identities such as “mastermind”, “hacker”, and in Parker’s case, “thief”. Parker was played by Beth Riesgraf.
An earlier version of this article was originally written for Asexual Awareness Week 2014.

Continue reading Leverage: Reading Parker as Asexual