I head-canon Da Vinci’s Demons’ Giralomo Riario as somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Not necessarily completely asexual but possibly grey-asexual or demi-sexual, maybe with some sexual attraction to all genders; I also think he could be biromantic and/or demiromantic.
I was reading an interesting story recently. It happened to be fanfiction, but I’ve had this experience with plenty of mainstream novels. I was enjoying the storyline, the plot was good, the author was hitting some of my favourite tropes and the story was, overall, well-told.
Then: bam. The relationship hierarchy* reared its ugly head.
Sex is Not Vital For a Loving Relationship (No matter what real or fictional therapists tell you)
Excerpt: This supposed professional just denied the existence of asexuality. She erased the right of not just asexuals, but people with physical disabilities which preclude sex, to be in a “loving relationship”. She basically implied that survivors of sexual trauma need to have/resume having sex or they cannot be loved.
Rarely does a week go by without my seeing an article that talks about sex, and how someone is not happy they are not getting enough of it. Regardless of the tone of the article however, there is the horror of the comment section.
There’ll be some sensible comments.
There’ll also be hordes of apparently sex-mad commentators who are keen to insist that there is no pleasure compared to that of using someone else’s body to gratify your needs. That someone who isn’t being fucked isn’t worthy of existing, let alone being in a relationship.
If someone isn’t having sex with you? Dump them. You’ve been together five years? Still dump them. You really love them and you’ve got a child together? Dump them anyway.
This week it’s this article, in the Guardian:
I don’t have a lot to say this time around but I’ve made many posts before on the topic of asexuality generally and for previous Asexual Awareness Weeks in particular, and you can read them all at this tag.
From the “I’m asexual, not a puritan!” to types of asexuality and types of attraction (autochorissexualim anyone?), to masturbation, to what’s it like consuming and creating media when you’re asexual, I’ve written on a variety of topics.
I also write asexual characters on occasion and a notable example occurs in the novel I’m working on, and his orientation is discussed in this short pre-canon fic.
Bliss is an ace and aromantic friendly ficlet about self-pleasure.
Whole and Complete Unto Thyself is a fic focussed on asexuality: “There’s nothing like being told the only sex you’ll ever have is wrong to knock your self-esteem. If you’re lucky, you have a friend to vent to.”
I do hope to cross-post the fiction to my writing blog and, possibly updated versions of some of the articles, to wordpress. My meta on reading Parker (Leverage) as asexual has been previously posted to wordpress.
I also have a pinterest board for asexuality.
For new materials I’ll recommend a few articles I’ve read online:
It’s not easy being Ace: Asexuality and the ace spectrum
By Iris Robin
Rec’d by this article is a good overview of asexuality focussed on the actual experiences of asexual people themselves.
10 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who’s Asexual
by Julie Sondra Decker
#21AceStories: Sex Drive, Relationships, and Other Misconceptions
By Eliel Cruz
We asked 21 asexual people around the world, ‘What’s the biggest misconception about asexuality
Thanks for reading. This is usually the time when someone stops following one of my blogs or decides to twist something positive like the term “zucchini” into an insulting “oh, you’re an emotional vegetable!” or some such. And still I keep writing these posts because I’m asexual; it’s not a choice, it’s my orientation, and I will continue to talk about it, write it about, and explore it.
Introductory note: “Leverage” is a television show which originally aired on the TNT network from 2008-2012. It centered on a group who acted as modern day Robin Hoods, tackling the powerful and corrupt who could not be brought to justice by the ordinary people they’d hurt. The characters were given archetypal identities such as “mastermind”, “hacker”, and in Parker’s case, “thief”. Parker was played by Beth Riesgraf.
An earlier version of this article was originally written for Asexual Awareness Week 2014.